Let Me Love You
Author : Feyfan
Yoo Youngjae (B.A.P)
Jung Hana (SECRET)
“Let’s break up.” The words slipped through his lips easily. It sounded like a nightmare for her.
She didn’t say anything; she sat on her place and froze. It felt so easy when someone else told her that they wanted to break up. But it wasn’t easy with him. It felt so hurt. So hurt that she didn’t know what she had to do nor said.
Her head felt heavy, it was hard for her to lift up her head to look at him. To face him once again before they were officially over. She didn’t hear anything coming from him again after the simple words of breaking up.
“Youngjae-ah…” She whispered. Her throat was dry and she wasn’t able to produce something more than just a whisper.
He didn’t respond her, even with a slight noise. She lifted her head up slowly, wishing that she wouldn’t scatter into pieces when she had to look up at his face again. She was strong, she thought to herself. When she finally looked at him, she realized that his face was paler than usual. His lips were trembling, just like her. But he held everything to himself, just like usual.
“Hana-ah… We should stop here. I don’t want to hurt you anymore.” He smiled as he said those words.
But she knew better than he knew himself. It wasn’t a happy smile; she could see the dark clouds around him when he said that and how his eyes were getting wet from his own tears. Who said that big boys can’t cry? They can.
“But you have never hurt me!” It was even barely a whisper but she made it anyway.
She took some times to observe him, to observe his messy appearance. He looked tired, there were dark circles around his eyes and his eyes were puffy. His face was getting paler with each second and his eyes were puffy as well.
“Did you sleep well?” She asked as she couldn’t hold herself longer.
He frowned to her question. He thought that she would be very angry on this break up thing but she had showed him that she was stronger than he thought.
“Actually… No.” He mumbled lowly.
Her heart broke when she saw the man she loved like this. He was too tired with everything, he even had to try very hard to keep opening his eyes and sat straightly on his seat. His chubby cheeks had disappeared as well and he was thinner than last time she saw him.
“If you want to break up so that you can sleep well without have to think that you have a girl here who is waiting for you patiently, let’s break up then.” The words came out from her lips in all of sudden, shocked the two of them.
“Hana-ah…” He was going to reach her hands, his eyes were pleading.
“No, Youngjae. We can stop here. It was you who wished to end this relationship.” She smiled bitterly to him. Her head soon hung very low.
Youngjae took a deep sigh. He hoped that he had never been inside this situation ever again. Especially with her. Because looking at her like this, it broke his heart. It broke his sanity. It broke everything inside of him and he couldn’t hold it any longer.
“I have to go.” He said as he stood up in all of sudden.
Some pairs of eyes were following him as he had made a noise. But he could careless. His heart was so heavy with frustration that he had caused.
“Be careful.” She mumbled, with her head still hung low.
Youngjae had this urge to peck the top of her head and told her good bye but as soon as he was going to do it, he stopped. Everything would be a mess again if he dared to do that, he reminded himself silently. So he backed off and mumbled a good bye before his sanity could be gone.
“Good bye.” Hana mumbled.
She wanted to say something more than just a goodbye, she wanted to say something better than that, she wished that she could run after him and tells him that she didn’t want to separate. A wish would forever be a wish.
She was still too stunned to do anything. It was surprising to know that the man she loved finally saying good bye to her. The time she wished would never come finally came. And it was hurt as ever.
“Are you going to forget me if one day we break up?” She playfully asked him as they were lying on the ground.
People were walking and chatting around them but they could care less. The river in front of them seemed more interesting than those people. It was great to finally have a time where both of them could lay down on the ground while looking peacefully at something than just the ceiling.
“Why would I forget you? We’d never break up anyway, so I don’t have to forget you right?” He mumbled before nuzzled his nose to her neck.
She giggled for what he did but she let him, it felt comfortable and pleasurable to have him in time like this. It felt safe to be next to Youngjae whenever she felt weak. He wasn’t a strong man but he surely had the warm heart no one Hana knew had. He had his own charms in front of her.
“It’s could happen. Who knows?” Hana giggled as Youngjae was still nuzzling his nose to the crook of her neck.
“I know that it would never happen.” He said calmly before stopped completely from nuzzling her neck.
Hana stopped giggling, she knew something was up once Youngjae became serious. It only needed thirty seconds for Youngjae to pull her closer to his warm embrace and hug her as tight as possible and peck on her forehead.
She smiled happily. She loved this time so much.
Where did the time go by? Where did the promise go by? Why now she had to survive by herself and had to move on while her heart was screaming for him?
A single tear rolled down her face. She wanted to feel his embrace again. She wanted him to hug her again. She already missed it although he only had gone for a few minutes. What would her live be if he leaves forever?
Their lips were connected, her body was sinking into his big hug, their noses were rubbing each other and their eyes were closed tightly. Their kiss felt so delicious that they didn’t want to pull away from each other. It was too addicting.
With a hard effort, he pulled away. Both of them inhaled the air as much as they could. Their eyes fluttered to open carefully, they blinked their eyes a few times. Their brains had gone blank before and they were trying to process what they were looking at.
“You taste sweet.” Hana said with a little smile.
He only smirked for her answer before leaned his forehead to her and connected them.
“Your lips are addicting.” He whispered and she blushed in no time.
Why was he so sweet? Tears slowly fell from her eyes. She missed him, she missed him so much until she couldn’t breathe. It felt suffocating to know that the man you once loved so deeply finally had to go and leave you alone. She wasn’t ready for this. She unconsciously touched her lips, trying to feel how it would be if she had his lips on hers now.
“You’re going to go?” She asked. He nodded as his eyes and hands were still busy with his clothes.
Hana sighed before approached him and helped him to tidy up his clothes. His luggage was on the floor, half filled with his clothes.
“How long you’re going to be aboard?” She quietly asked as she neatly folded one of his favorite t-shirts.
He didn’t answer and instead going to her back and slowly wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her to stand up.
He kissed her ear from behind before lowly whispered to her, “Why you’re worrying so much? I’m going to be back soon, I promise.”
She bit her lips, she was actually too anxious to let him go. She knew that he would go for more than a week and it made her dying. A day would feel so long if he wasn’t there for her. What would she do?
Her mind was running with calculations and questions. She started forgetting his appearance behind her as she counted on the day she would meet him again.
Lovingly, he pecked her ear. “Don’t worry, I will always phone you. Don’t worry too much.”
He pressed her body closer to his body and made her to turn her head.
“I want to steal this from you before I go to the States!” His happy voice made it easier for her to smile widely. But her heart was getting heavier by each second.
He started hesitantly to kiss her which she replied happily. His eyes were narrowing, liking that she replied to his kiss and stopped worrying.
“You’re such a big liar.” She murmured. Her eyes were already too red from her non-stop crying. Her head was planted on the table, unable to move. It was too heavy to lift her head so she gave up trying.
“Who are you talking about?” Youngjae’s voice was shaking and unsure but she knew it was his voice.
“You…” She murmured again, unsure if it was a hallucination or something real.
“I’m sorry then…” He whispered.
She chuckled. Man is so easy to lie, she thought. She closed her eyes, tired with the drama she just went through.
“Hana-ya… Don’t sleep here.” He whispered to her ear. His lips were very close to her ear.
She snapped open her eyes. She couldn’t believe that she had actually been in the real world. She wanted to refuse the fact that she was actually awoken fully. It was impossible that he was there right? She blinked her eyes by each second, still couldn’t believe the reality.
“Are you really going to sleep here, honey?” He whispered again.
Hana quickly lifted her head which accidentally made her head to hit Youngjae’s chin. The two yelled in pain. Her eyes darted to his figure. He was there, he was real. And he was hissing in pain and holding on his chin.
“Are you alright?” He asked, smile never left his face although he tried really hard to hide the pain he was being on.
“What are you doing here?”
“I’m here to pick you up.”
“To our house.”
There was a long pause after that which made Youngjae to mumble some nonsense but she was too absorbed by the words until she couldn’t figure out what he was mumbling to.
“Why? Are you playing with me?!” Hana eyes were getting watery again.
Youngjae only could sit there, watching as his (ex)girlfriend cried. It was uncomfortable for sure.
“No. I was just thinking that I made a mistake. What would I do if I lost you completely?” He tried to smile.
Hana shot her a cold stare. “Did you really think I’m that easy?” Her eyes never left his figure.
He shook his head. “I was just thinking what if we’re getting back together and forget the stupid break up declaration I made a moment ago?”
“THAT WOULD BE A JOKE YOU MUST PAY! I DON’T WANT TO PLAY WITH YOUR GAME! I’M NOT A TOY, YOO YOUNGJAE!” She yelled loudly which made people inside the room to turn their head to them.
Youngjae, too stunned with her words, couldn’t do anything when she suddenly rose up and gathered her things. He moved when she was walking halfway to the exit door.
“Where are you going?” He was in the panic state.
Geez, he knew that he was stupid. He knew that it felt like a joke, but he was serious for getting back together with her. He loved her so much that he didn’t want to imagine living a day without her.
“LEAVE YOU AND YOUR STUPID ACT!” She still couldn’t believe that she became so brave and yelled in front of the public. But God, why was he so stupid? Did he really think of their relationship as a joke?
“Please stay.” He whispered as he quickly wrapped his arms around her body.
“Let me go!” She struggled to peel of his arms from her body.
“Please.” He said once again, this time she could feel a wet surface touched the right side of her cheek. Youngjae was crying. Her (ex)boyfriend was crying.
“I promise you I’d be better.” He said again.
She closed her eyes, wishing to God that what she’d do next wouldn’t make her life more complicated. When she opened her eyes, she inhaled as much as she could before struggle free from his embrace and turned around to face him.
She took one or two seconds to observe his sad face but she didn’t waste her time to aim his lips and savored the taste of his sweet lips.
“Don’t ever let me go again.” She said before going back to kiss him again.
His arms hesitatingly went to wrap her body into his embrace once again. When she didn’t do anything to refuse it, he was getting brave by pulling her body closer to him and replied to her kiss eagerly.
“I love you. I love you so much.” He said between their kisses.
She sneaked her arms around his neck and pulled it closer to her face, not letting go of his lips. “I do too.” She said, very lowly.
Confusing but sweet, that was all what she needed in her relationship. Everything would always be like that when she was with him, but she would never let him go ever again. She tried once but it was hard, she couldn’t even bare to breathe without him more than a few hours. She needed him in her life and so did him.
Love only needed each other to survive.